The kid with the glasses, the fat one, sits in the corner while everyone around him talks and socializes. He listens attentively, he has a knack for it, and he waits like a shark waits for that stupid bikini clad female who ventures out too far, and when he feels the correct time he pounces… err… I mean talks out. And what’s the aftermath of it all? Everyone’s laughing. Makes you jealous don’t it, how that kid can make anyone laugh out in tears with just a few well placed words and you can’t? And every now and then, that fat kid also somewhat disturbs you, even though he makes you laugh because every now and then he says something that you don’t totally agree or maybe it offenses you somewhat. Well, see that’s the problem, humor comes at the expense of something. It’s the job of the humorist to make fun, and see that’s exactly how he’s funny, making fun of someone.
– What’s the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
– A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.
Pardon me, but did we just offend someone?
Being funny is a tough job. You cannot really afford to sit at a corner and make jokes about everyone at the party. You might get beaten up by the more enthusiastic and short-tempered lot. You can’t go on making fun of yourself, mainly because there can’t be possibly enough interesting things in your life or your appearance that can captivate attention for more than 5 minutes. Referring to your life introduces embarrassing moments of friends or family, and again, you risk losing a ‘favourable’ image. You can’t pull out humour on people from other continents. That makes you culturally intolerant or a racist. Maybe you’re thinking of beavers or gorillas to make a mockery of. Sigh. You might get sued by environmentalists or zoologists. Another possibility is that the beavers might stop building dams. And bears might stop giving a damn about whether you’re dead or not when they’re foraging for fresh meat. That makes you feel useless in the food chain. Also we like bears and beavers. It’s the humans we have something against. Take the dog for example, when I make fun of him, he doesn’t get offended, he barks even harder and makes me laugh even more. People should be more like dogs in our learned opinion.
Of course, the only way you can be funny without creating havoc is by being famous. If you’ve got fame, you’ve got the license to stand up on a podium and crack lame jokes. You can make fun of the President, or other people and practically anything. People will find you funny. You won’t get sued. Even if you get sued, thanks to your fame, you’ll have enough money to get back at them. Even if you don’t have enough money, you may yet have enough funny left in you. So, reach deep inside of you, tickle that funny bone, and crack that miracle joke that will make the suing individual or company forget everything, and just give you a friendly pat on the shoulder. Few end up bankrupt and despondent. Some end up in jail but ignore that, since obviously you aren’t famous so there isn’t question about people caring if you’re funny or not. It’s the famous people who get all that attention.
This is why we, the common world, should be jealous of people who run Comedy Central, Jerry Seinfeld and Phoebe from FRIENDS. We’re particularly envious of Homer and Bart Simpson. They get to finger point Apu in every episode and they keep getting funnier. Not to mention richer. The Asian nerd from the TV series or the black dude who gets thrown around by rednecks ‘on purpose’, they happen to be hilarious inclusions. They don’t get sued, either. Nobody stops doing anything. The world runs fine, and everyone enjoys a good laugh. The reason is that the world is inherently funny, funny people don’t make it funny, they just point out the other millions in the world who repeatedly do stupid things that make the world funny. And all you stupid people, we love you; you make the world worth living in.
“God has a sense of humor. If you don’t believe me, tomorrow go to Wal-mart and just look at people.” (Carlos Mencia, Mind of Comedy Central)
Somebody once said that the first joke ever cracked on the face of this earth was when one caveman pointed out to his buddies another caveman who was covertly peeing into the bushes. They all laughed out loud and since language was yet to be invented the Neanderthals they made do with dubious grunts and crude signs that in today’s world would get an accountant thrown into jail for indecency. In our honest opinion accountants should all be thrown into jail for indecency, the way they disdainfully hand over your hard earned money at month’s end, acting as if the amount was worthless, is a capital crime in our views. We refuse to be belittled by the bald bespectacled guy who is rich everyday for duration of 9 to 5. We also formally ask permission to make fun of them without offending someone or the other. If you happen to be an accountant, or an accountant’s daughter, we feel very sorry for you, it must be very hard to handle all that money without every being able to steal the occasional penny here and there. It’s a pitiful life, yeah.
And just like that we just offended all the accountants in the world and you probably laughed to, and before you start acting all righteous and politically correct, remember this, we just made you laugh and that counts because apparently some doctor said laughing is good for the heart and we are the sole reason you aren’t dead yet from cholesterol poisoning. However the point is, that being funny comes at the expense of something and instead of taking offense, just loosen up laugh, your heart will thank you for it. For those of you who think this gives you license to keep making fun of the midget who happens to be the class prefect, don’t. There’s a limit to being funny and after a while all you do is scar people psychologically. Not to mention turn you into a mean bugger who is only liked by other mean buggers. And because we care so much about you, we hereby formally grant you permission to make fun of us, on condition that you never let us know, we are self conscious people with weak esteems, anymore jabs and it’s over for us. We also thank you for laughing at our expense, it makes us feel good.
By: Tareq Adnan, Sabhanaz Rashid Diya and Weirdo